Marital (Dis)Harmony

Today, after fifteen years of practice with two women, I think I've mostly figured out how to keep a harmonious marriage. In fact, the metaphor that would most aptly describe my marriage to Melissa most of the time is "like a beautiful piano concerto". Having said that, when one is building a business and a life with one's partner, there are lots of opportunities for "crashing cymbals" .... the metaphor which best describe our disagreements.

Melissa can best be described as a "future" thinker. By this, what I mean is that if given the time and opportunity, she can and will think through every possible combination of events that could befall us, sometimes years ahead of schedule. This is kind of baffling to me, but what is EVEN MORE baffling is that for no apparent reason she will begin to act on a set of random perceived consequences (which to her are almost inevitable) long before (in my opinion) the course of action has been set (or the problem even thought about). My usual response is a baffled, " What in the world are you doing ?" In truth, I already know what she is doing. Her thought process is quick and it has to be quickly followed by action. She is a natural born worrier who has a quintessential Type A, high drive personality. Her brain is like a bunch of hamsters running amok on a never ending treadmill.

Nobody who knows me would ever describe my brain function that way. Not my mother. Not my best friend. Nobody. Although I share Melissa's Type A personality and task focus when it comes to getting work done, my brain's natural pace is that of a fat, lazy hamster who spends an inordinate amount of time on the couch drinking beer and watching TV. I may occasionally act quickly, but I think very s-l-o-w-l-y and my brain takes lots and lots of time outs to refresh itself. Nobody is ever going to accuse my brain of working itself to death.

As you might imagine, combining these two thought processes often leads to significant friction.

I have been thinking through various problems related to building out our new farm for the better part of three months. And until very recently I haven't been doing much about said problems beyond thinking them through, although to be fair even I realize that the time for action (on some of the things I've been thinking about in my brain) is well nigh. This process has been helped along by increasingly frequent tonal changes and ever increasing volumes emanating from my better half. Really I kind of feel sorry for her. It's not that I don't want to act. My brain just isn't ready to be done thinking yet. In the interim, poor Melissa has gone from civil disagreement to red in the face yelling and about a week ago she crossed over to begging and pleading. I thought she was going to have a stroke.

Mercifully, about the time I thought Melissa was going to stroke out, my fat, lazy brain decided it was done thinking and it was (finally) time to get off the couch and engage in some serious action. As is predictable in our case, this change of pace immediately led to much improved marital relations. In fact, way off in the distance, I thought I faintly heard the sound of a piano earlier this evening.

(Melissa here: Reading this post made me think about another time when the differences in our decision making came out. A few years ago I made the mistake of letting Jason go pick out a movie for us to watch by himself. I was sick with the flu and feeling really miserable. He offered to go get us a movie to watch, under the pretense that this was supposed to help me feel better, or at least temporarily forget about how bad I felt. What does he come home with? The TV miniseries "Roots."

Let me tell you this did nothing to make me feel better or forget about my woes. In fact by the end of it I was more sick and depressed than ever. If he wanted to watch a TV series couldn't he have brought home "Seinfeld" or "Friends" or something aside from the one of the most depressing things I've ever watched? I'm not saying there weren't a lot of good messages to take home from "Roots" but come on, I was sick as a dog! )


I hope everyone is having a great week so far !

Two of the ponies, Cuff Links and Missy

Lily and Levendi enjoying a grooming session over the fence while Leo naps nearby
Baby using the fence as a scratching post
Faune grazing with Alex and B-Rad behind him
Missy, MyLight and Harmony doing some early morning grazing
Teddy having a nap
O'Reilly
Lucky
Slinky and Clay

Meet Fuzzy Punch

Yes, Fuzzy Punch has one of the cutest names ever! It suits him well and you sure can come up with a lot of nicknames. So far he is known as Fuzzy, Fuzzman, The Fuzz, and Gwen the farrier morphed that one into The Fonz (from the TV show "Happy Days"). I'm sure we'll come up with many more but we haven't had a lot of time with him yet. Our conversations about and with Fuzzy Punch go something along these lines:

"Fuzzman is ready to eat."

"I'm going to put The Fuzz out in the paddock."

"Fuzzy is hanging out with The Don (the rooster)"

"I'm going to hang out with Fuzzy Punch."

How can you not smile as you say these routine things?

Fuzzy Punch hanging out at the Germantown Charity Horse Show (Germantown, TN)

Fuzzy is a 19 year old thoroughbred, and he is also a tall guy checking in at 17.3 hands. Fuzzy and his mom met eat other in 1995 when he was four years old. Fuzzy's previous owners sold him to the owner of the barn where she road after his racing career did not take off as hoped. Fuzzy was started in the hunters with her trainer ultimately hoping he would have a career in the jumper ring. Fuzzy was a gentle giant, definitely not the stereotype of the hot thoroughbred off the track, so the trainer allowed his mom to ride and school him some for her.

His mom had recently outgrown her horse and was looking for a new partner to move up to the Children's Hunters with. She and Fuzzy clicked right away when she started riding him for her trainer. A few months after she had been riding him her Dad came to the barn and saw her riding the handsome gelding that she had been talking so much about. Her Dad became as smitten with Fuzzy as she was and Fuzzy soon became a family member.

Fuzzy says "why is there a teeter totter in here?" Because two fainting goats like to play on it Fuzzy.

They started off showing on the local Alabama circuit in the 2'6" classes while Fuzzy learned the ropes, and soon they moved up to the A shows and the 3' division. She showed Fuzzy in the Children's Hunters, and then when she aged out of the juniors in the Adult Hunters.

At their first A show together at Brownland Farm (Franklin, TN), she and Fuzzy were both really exhausted by their last class on the last day. Their last line of the show was an in and out, and Fuzzy was tired and his mom said she had no leg left. Somehow 17.3 hand Fuzzy managed to add a stride, he came to a near halt and then they crashed through the last fence. She said everyone around the ring went completely silent until they realized that she and Fuzzy were perfectly ok. And that was when she learned that no matter what happened, Fuzzy would always get her safely to the other side of the fence. And he always did.

Fuzzy grazing

Another funny Fuzzy story happened when they were showing a few years later at the International Horse Park in Conyers, Georgia. Fuzzy's owner and her mom had been ringside cheering on some other riders from their barn, and when they returned to Fuzzy's stall they were greeted with horrible screaming noises and Fuzzy making a racket. Somehow all the other horses on his row had ended up being gone either showing, getting groomed, etc. and he was the only one left. Fuzzy did not take this well. Apparently he did so much damage to his stall the horse park made them replace the stall. So somewhere in Conyers there is a stall with Fuzzy's name on it!

Fuzzy Punch

Fuzzy is a true family member as he also took his mom's sister-in-law from the long stirrup division to the 3' ring. She said her trainer described Fuzzy as making you learn how to ride with "all 4 corners," meaning both legs and both hands all the time. I asked his mom how she would sum up with Fuzzy and this is what she told me:

"Fuzzy is one of the good ones that turns lucky people like me and my sister-in-law into avid horse lovers. He is the kind of horse that you compare every horse you ride to him for the rest of your life. That's why I could never sell him and had to make sure he had the best life possible because he contributed so much to my happiness."

What a wonderful horse!

Fuzzy and Bella the dog hanging out and enjoying some down time

Recent Happenings

We have been busy, busy, busy the last couple of weeks. The earthwork was done for the barn at our new property last week and the poles are now set as well. It shouldn't be long before this mess (don't want to offend Jason) lovely earthwork and bunch of poles actually starts looking like a real building of sorts.

this should start looking like something soon!

In other news Jason and my Dad finally finished re-assembling the Kubota tractor. I'm not sure how many times this tractor was actually taken apart and put back together, but Humpty Dumpty is finally complete re-assembled, including the cap. And it runs as it should. I ended up being pressured into helping with the final re-assembly step, and I would like to add that this was against my will. I really had no desire to participate beyond watching from a distance and taking pictures of the debacle.

The last step was getting the cap back on the tractor. I was told that this last step, unlike the re-assembling and rebuilding of the motor, would be a "piece of cake." I guess it was in the sense that no one was harmed and nothing was damaged. However when *I* am needed to help complete the tractor re-assembly process I sort of see it as desperate times call for desperate measures, but in the end it was a success.

Attempt #1 to put the cap on

this lead to more consulting and re-configuring of the ropes

attempt #2 to put the cap on

this led to even more consulting and re-configuring

Jason looking awfully serious as they give attempt #3 a shot

But they were getting closer; and at this point I have no more action pictures because I was pressed into service. I wasn't real keen on helping guide this thing onto the tractor. No one cared though.

Apparently I was the lucky charm because finally the cap was on and Humpty Dumpty was together again.

We have a really busy week again this week. We have several new arrivals scheduled in the next few weeks as we prepare to start transitioning to our new farm. We are having the best kind of busy these days. Lots of things going on and projects to keep us busy, but all fun and exciting for us. Hope everyone had a great weekend!

The big boys like to hang out in the woods. I went in to observe them one day. Tony was using two trees as a scratching post.

Levendi was grazing quietly

Thomsas was scratching his neck on another tree

Leo was just hanging out

Tony grazing; I love his coat color, it a deep, red chestnut that can be hard to capture in a picture.

Homer (Homey, Home Fry, Homeboy)

Baby and Trigger

Grand grazing in the early morning sun

Ogie and B-Rad

Elfin

Meet Dutch

As we start preparing our new farm, where we will have some more room, we are welcoming a few horses off our waiting list. Dutch is one of the lucky horses whose owner waited patiently for over a year until we had an opening. Dutch arrived last week and he has been a wonderful addition to the farm. Although he is in his mid 20's Dutch didn't get that memo, or he subscribes to the philosophy that age is only a number, because most of the time he acts like he is about three years old!

Dutch; he is a very pretty bay with a big, white blaze and four socks

In addition to all of his chrome Dutch has one of the most gorgeous tails I've ever seen on a horse. His tail is so long and thick it is unbelievable, this picture does not even come close to doing justice to his tail.

When I say Dutch is lucky I mean he is VERY lucky. Dutch came dangerously close to having a one way trip to Mexico or Canada to a slaughter house. So for all of you who think that it is only the "fugly," poorly bred, poorly conformed, dangerous or crippled horses that wind up at auctions you are wrong. This is a NICE horse, in conformation, movement and temperament. I've seen him trot many times and he has a big, floaty, ground-covering stride with a lot of push from behind. As far as his owner has been able to discover his only "crime" was that he got older and could no longer stand up to hard work anymore. So don't kid yourself that anyone but you will provide for your old campaigner. Dutch was lucky, but most horses in his situation are not.

Dutch a few weeks after he was purchased from the auction. This means he looked even worse than this originally! His poor neck looks like a pencil.

An "after" picture of Dutch. Look what a few months of good care and FOOD will do for a horse. Here he and his mom are taking a dressage lesson. The first thing I noticed about this picture was how nice and square he was standing, clearly this horse had some good training prior to his life taking a downhill slide.

His owner has done her best to try and piece together some of Dutch's background. Unfortunately there are a lot of gaps in his history but he is a Dutch Warmblood and was about 20 years old when he was purchased at the auction five years ago. A co-worker of her husband's regularly went to the auction and would purchase horses to train/retrain/ and then resell. Thank goodness for Dutch that he was plucked from that auction.

Dutch showing off his gorgeous trot, look at his length of stride.

His mom took basic dressage lessons on him and they also trail rode together. She had hoped to take him to some schooling shows but unfortunately they never made it to the show ring. Dutch suffered a ligament injury (which he recovered from), and when they were back to work his respiratory rate would get quite high very easily regardless of fitness level. So his mom changed her goals to fit her horse and they mainly did a lot of trail riding together. Dutch's mom deserves a huge round of applause for all she has done for this horse!

Look at his gorgeous face. He deserved so much better than winding up at an auction.

As I mentioned earlier Dutch is in his mid 20's going on 3. He notices everything and was quite fascinated with the goats the first few days. He would watch them any time they were within sight. When the mood strikes him he likes to run and buck and play. He thoroughly enjoys a good roll. He is very social with other horses and loves to groom his new friends. I find it very sad that a horse like Dutch found himself at an auction one step away from a slaughter truck. If I knew the name(s) of whomever dumped him at that auction I would post their names on a billboard with blinking neon lights and let the world know what charming, responsible people they are. His mom is a very special person for all that she has done for Dutch, and we are so appreciative that she trusts us with his care.

Dutch has had quite a journey from the auction barn to horse retirement paradise over the last few years. He earned his place here and I'm so glad that fate intervened and allowed him to find his way to his mom. Welcome Dutch!

Dutch staring at Jo the fainting goat

Dutch staring at Mina the fainting goat

Dutch grooming his new friend Murphy

Our New 'Hood and Breaking Ground on the Barn

We drove out to our new farm today as it was the official first day of work on the barn. Jason and I should have each had ceremonial shovels and a yellow ribbon to cut and made it into a Ground Breaking ceremony. Today the earth work was done to prepare the barn pad. Jason also had very specific ideas about how he wanted the drainage around the barn set up as well, so some surveying was done and grade markers placed.

stakes marking the grade

Bear accompanied us today. He wasn't too happy about being on a leash (technically it wasn't a leash but a lead rope!).

We were pleased with the earth work and within the next day or so our builder will actually begin construction on the building itself. In our "master plan" this will be the first of three barns, although it will be the only barn we have for quite awhile. The property is 150 acres and regardless of where you site a barn on 150 acres some of the pastures and paddocks will always be a long hike from the barn. Thus we decided not to build one big barn but three smaller barns.

Our neighbor at our new farm, who is also our barn builder, kindly offered to bush hog our pastures for us and he was doing so when we drove up today. The grass was as tall as I am in the un-mowed areas even though it had been bush hogged a month ago. Jason is loving the soil on this farm, it grows grass like crazy!

The other thing Jason really enjoyed about this visit was we had a chance to get a really good look at the soil as the dozier operator was working. We had a couple of feet of really nice top soil. This wouldn't be noteworthy to people in some areas, but in middle Tennessee this is HARD to find - and the reason it took us several years to find and purchase a farm.

Look at all of that lovely soil!

This picture has nothing to do with anything. I just took it because everyone knows our truck because of the Canadian flag on the front. I even had someone start singing "Oh Canada" one time after they saw the license plate as I was pulling up at a horse show! It is surprising how many people have approached me either at horse shows, in the parking lot at the grocery store, and many other places to ask about the license plate.

It looked like a nice construction scene as we pulled in to the farm

When we were done at the farm we took the scenic route home and just drove around our new community. We've done this many times but I always enjoy it. We are located right in the area that is known as "hunt country." This area is home to more than one foxhunt and there are lots of lovely horse farms around, some big and some small. Below are some pictures that we took today as we drove around. We are really looking forward to being part of this community!

A barn a couple of miles away from our property

A coop in a fenceline for one of the hunts. There are lots and lots of coops in fencelines!

A farm entrance, clearly a member of one of the local hunts

Another coop in a fenceline

Another farm sign. I will admit the farm name is a bit of a mystery to me as there are no bears in the state of Tennessee with the exception of the mountains in east Tennessee.

Jason wanted a picture of this sign that was along a fenceline. "The Land Trust for Tennessee. Protected by conservation easement. Robeson/Hyde-Away Farm."

You also see a lot of stone walls built into the fencelines for the hunts as well.

a picture of a farm near ours; it is named Creekside Farm