Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Moving Forward

Things are still very raw for me after the loss of Buffy this weekend. Some times things feel ok and normal for awhile, but often I simply feel like I am putting one foot in front of the other one and just getting through things. An absolutely bucolic scene reduced me to near tears and full blown panic this morning. As I was walking down the hill early this morning to go to the shed to prepare breakfast I saw Levendi and Chance down taking naps. That in itself isn't unusual, as you will see in many of the following pictures I see plenty of relaxed napping horses every day. As I prepare feed each morning I'm always looking out in the pastures to see what everyone is doing, make sure I've been spotted so everyone will come to the gates, and just generally assess things.

I saw Levendi stand up after a few minutes but Chance stayed down. I then started reading way too much into that. Why didn't Chance get up as well?? Then Chance went down on his side into dead horse position. That got the internal dialogue really charged up. "Why is he on his side? Is he ok? Is he really just napping hard? Please let Chance be fine, I am not capable of dealing with another hard situation now. Oh please, please, please do not make me deal with this again, I think I will lose it . . . " Like I said, I had myself on the verge of tears and in definite panic mode.

Thankfully as I made my way to their pasture Chance popped up and came trotting over for breakfast. All was well, and my rational side knew this, but my emotional, irrational side has been in charge the last couple of days. It would be so much easier if they could all live forever.

This pastoral scene was the cause of my breakdown this morning. Levendi and Chance are the nappers, with Hemi standing in the back and Elfin grazing by the fence.

Cuff Links and Harmony enjoying their daily snooze

Lightening and Teddy

Alex and B-Rad

Ogie came over to graze near Alex

Norman stood near by while Bonnie napped
Chili

Sebastian and Faune

This picture is from Hemi's first day meeting the boys; L-R Tony, Dustin, Hemi, Leo, Levendi

Thomas and Hemi trotting through the field together


Bella the dog watching over Lexi, Bonnie, Traveller, Norman, Cinnamon and Sky

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Glad to hear everybody else is okay, but so sorry about Buffy. She sounds like quite a character. =/
On a lighter note, that Hemi is quite a looker!

lytha said...

i'm really sorry about buffy - it was a heart breaking post. and this one, i understand that panic!

i kept thinking about how buffy is in a good place now too, perhaps as nice as paradigm, but that you guys have to suffer a long time, way longer than she did.

take care,
~lytha

Kate said...

I worry sometimes when horses aren't moving - but so far, only sleepers!

maggie said...

Aw, I'm sorry my goofy boy had you in such a state this morning! He's definitely a big one for naps. So sorry for this loss, Melissa. Both you and the herd are very much in my thoughts.

-Maggie, Chance's mom